Thursday, August 1, 2013

"this is the start of something good, don't you agree?"


Dating has got to be the most ridiculous experience in life. Maybe ridiculous is the wrong word... irritating, perhaps. Yes, dating has got to be one of the most irritating experiences in life. Having dinner,  going to the movies, taking a walk in the park, etc with an almost, for all intents and purposes, complete stranger? Ugh, I'm so tired of it. And yet, I still do it...

Truthfully, I don't even know how to be a girlfriend. Not the slightest clue. And I already come with some serious defects to the relationship. Hate talking on the phone, love being a homebody. I'm quiet until you really get to know me. OR you have to meet in a group of friends because then I'm automatically comfortable.  

But right, this is about me not knowing how to be girlfriend. Yes, I guess I just missed that class in high school (or is it offered in middle school now?) where everyone learned how to be boyfriend/girlfriend and live a happy normal life. Yeah, I must have missed it. I was among the few kids who were "not allowed to date, until you're married!" Yes, I understand the irony. Nobody thought that rule out, I can assure you.

So I never really had a boyfriend until I got to college. My first (real) relationship wasn't exactly a failure, but I certainly wouldn't call it a success. Turns out my biggest issue is communication! Huh, who'd a thunk it??? Me, have communication issues? NEVER! But alas, it IS true. I'm actually a horrible communicator... at least in the real world.

Online you have time to think it out and make sure everything you say (write) comes out exactly the way you wish it. But in real life, saying certain things, talking about certain things just isn't quite as easy for me. My sisters always harass me about not being able to open up and say what I'm thinking. "Why do I always have to drag it out of you?" Or, "Why do you make me ask you so many questions? Just say what you want to say!" I guess I'm just not one to talk about myself.

Don't get me wrong. I can hold a conversation and talk about anything with anyone. And I love myself so obviously I have no qualms talking about myself. I just tend to shy away from talking about myself on a more personal level. My family, my work, my friends, easy subjects. My feelings, not so much.

Which brings me back to my relationships. Apparently, you need to be able to talk about yourself on a personal level with your boyfriend. And he actually might care if he realizes he doesn't know anything about how you feel. So how do I work on growing in that area? Dive into another relationship and get some practice? Talk to my sisters a little more, see if that works out? Have emotional, drawn out, thoughtful conversations with myself in the bathroom mirror? I don't know. I need help.

In the meantime, I'm still dating.

9 comments:

Cayden Kelby said...

Hi, I'm assuming that you do really want help and it wasn't rhetorical. If so, I wanted to leave a note telling you that trust me, I was sooo the same way. But then I met my boyfriend (we've been together 8 years now) and he was the first person that I could talk to and really get emotionally comfortable around.

So, just do what you are comfortable with. If you get to a point where they need more from you, then just tell them you're working on it and do what you can.

Hopefully, if you ARE really comfortable with a guy, it won't be so forced because you'll feel safe. I can't talk to anyone else about the things that I do with him.

I hope maybe that helps.

Nicole K said...

Personally I have never understood the "rules" of dating. I am very much a "I like you, you like me, whats the problem?" kind of mentality. I am very honest (in a nice way) and don't care for games for so me, strangely, this is the issue that comes up in any relationship I have been in but I think it is only because they...well they say they didn't know how to be with someone honest...

What does that tell you about society eh?

Anywho, maybe you just have not been with the right person that would allow you to grow into being a good girlfriend (I doubt you are a bad one...pretty sure you are being hard on yourself when you say you don't know how to be one :P))

http://thelovelytwentysomethings.blogspot.ca/

Sage said...

Thanks Cayden! I actually feel like that may be the only route for me because I really don't know what else I CAN do! I can only pray life works out in the end. It's a difficult thing trying to practice being comfortable...

~Sage

Sage said...

Nicole, thanks for saying I'm probably a good girlfriend. I'm inclined to believe you, but only because I so wish it to be true! :) Hopefully this is all just a matter of the right guy coming around. I'll keep waiting...

~Sage

Christa Lei said...

Don't take dating too seriously! From what I've learned-- overthinking it and having the anxiety just pushes that anxiety further!

While dating is not too fun-- think of it as a way of expanding your social circle! I met my current bf through online dating (which I have not had great success with in the past), but when we went out on our first date... I had no expectations whatsoever, and was actually intending it to end in friendship. Look how that turned out LOL.

Don't think too much about it, meet people, and have fun with it! Don't put too much into it, just be your charming self and put your best foot forward :) They will come flocking!

Christa x

Aileen Awesome said...

I think you should definitely enjoy the single life and try having fun on your own. Once you know what makes you happy, you'll have an easier time dating. And don't put too much pressure on having to date, it'll happen when it happens. For now just go on your own adventures and find out what makes you tick. You'll have the rest of your life to be partnered up.

Yet said...

I have a sister with similar "crutches". She's married now with 1 girl and twins on the way. Believe me, there is always a way. Just let life happen and the rest can just fall into place. If you're not desperate (like I totally was) than continue to be the confident person you seen to be and be open and willing to "let people in" and gradually love will find you...

found you on 20sb @ welovecomments
www.eatdrinkmanwife.blogspot.com

Sage said...

Thanks everyone! You all seem to be telling me not to give up and just wait for the right person to come along. I guess that's all I can do for now, so I'll take your word for it. Hopefully. I appreciate the confidence you have in my ability to attract the right guy. I just hope I haven't scared/irritated/ran him off already...

~Sage

Nat said...

I believe love is about taking risks. It seems like you haven't really allowed someone to love you because you're afraid of rejection...the moment you decide that you are worthy and deserving of love it will come...I'd say explore loving and making yourself happy then when you meet the right guy it will be easy for you to communicate what you need from him ;)

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