Sunday, August 18, 2013

"i guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck"

In a huff of disappointment, I deleted (made invisible) my online dating accounts. It was probably for the best. At least for now.

But I guess I forgot I had already given my number to one guy before I deleted my account. We've been talking, texting, skyping, general "get to know you" stuff for a wh
ile now. So far it's been lovely, I actually kinda like this guy. So what's the problem?

It's been over 2 months now and we still haven't met in person. Our work schedules seem to clash with one another. I work 9:00 to 6:00pm. He works 3:00 to 11:00pm. I have no intention of meeting this guy for the first time after midnight on any given day, so that's not an option. I'm not trying to be lured to my death! Yes, I am highly paranoid about such things. You never know who these online types really are. We both work weekends and have unpredictable days off. It's been quite the challenge trying to maneuver around these obstacles. But I figure if we really want to meet, we'll make it happen, right?

But if it's this hard to meet in the first place, won't it only be harder if we actually start dating? When would we have time to see each other? I'm working toward getting a morning off so we can have breakfast or an early lunch together. Then after the initial meeting, perhaps I'll feel a lot more comfortable meeting him after dark on any given day. If so, then I guess our relationship could be just fine. Am I getting ahead of myself? Maybe... yeah, let's just work on meeting first.

I guess this is one situation where you just see how it unfolds. I do so hope it works out, I would love to  actually see him and make sure we have chemistry in person as we do through the screen. It's very important you know.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

"this is the start of something good, don't you agree?"

Dating has got to be the most ridiculous experience in life. Maybe ridiculous is the wrong word... irritating, perhaps. Yes, dating has got to be one of the most irritating experiences in life. Having dinner,  going to the movies, taking a walk in the park, etc with an almost, for all intents and purposes, complete stranger? Ugh, I'm so tired of it. And yet, I still do it...

Truthfully, I don't even know how to be a girlfriend. Not the slightest clue. And I already come with some serious defects to the relationship. Hate talking on the phone, love being a homebody. I'm quiet until you really get to know me. OR you have to meet in a group of friends because then I'm automatically comfortable.  

But right, this is about me not knowing how to be girlfriend. Yes, I guess I just missed that class in high school (or is it offered in middle school now?) where everyone learned how to be boyfriend/girlfriend and live a happy normal life. Yeah, I must have missed it. I was among the few kids who were "not allowed to date, until you're married!" Yes, I understand the irony. Nobody thought that rule out, I can assure you.

So I never really had a boyfriend until I got to college. My first (real) relationship wasn't exactly a failure, but I certainly wouldn't call it a success. Turns out my biggest issue is communication! Huh, who'd a thunk it??? Me, have communication issues? NEVER! But alas, it IS true. I'm actually a horrible communicator... at least in the real world.

Online you have time to think it out and make sure everything you say (write) comes out exactly the way you wish it. But in real life, saying certain things, talking about certain things just isn't quite as easy for me. My sisters always harass me about not being able to open up and say what I'm thinking. "Why do I always have to drag it out of you?" Or, "Why do you make me ask you so many questions? Just say what you want to say!" I guess I'm just not one to talk about myself.

Don't get me wrong. I can hold a conversation and talk about anything with anyone. And I love myself so obviously I have no qualms talking about myself. I just tend to shy away from talking about myself on a more personal level. My family, my work, my friends, easy subjects. My feelings, not so much.

Which brings me back to my relationships. Apparently, you need to be able to talk about yourself on a personal level with your boyfriend. And he actually might care if he realizes he doesn't know anything about how you feel. So how do I work on growing in that area? Dive into another relationship and get some practice? Talk to my sisters a little more, see if that works out? Have emotional, drawn out, thoughtful conversations with myself in the bathroom mirror? I don't know. I need help.

In the meantime, I'm still dating.
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