Friday, November 2, 2012
"and stop crying your heart out"
I've been holding in my anger towards my work schedule for the last... well I guess the last year. We used to be able to service a client and then go home when there were no more clients.
But now, the new rule for stylists is that we must stay from 10 to 6 regardless of if there are clients are not. Mind you I ONLY get paid when I service a client. So if there are no clients, I get no money. (We don't take walk ins, so we know the day's schedule before it begins.) And now they want me to sit around in the salon when there are no clients? For what? I'm basically wasting gas money to sit and watch paint peel. No thank you.
But being the kind and gentle soul that I am, obviously, I held my irritation/anger in and said no problem. I'm just going to do my job and keep it moving. And keep it moving I did! Until yesterday.
My manager is a stylist and really has no other duties outside of being a stylist, except maybe payroll. Supposedly, we should all be following the same set of rules. But apparently she doesn't think she needs to show up when there are no clients. She feels its alright for her to leave after she services her last client. She has little "emergencies" every now and then that only seem to occur on days we have no clients. She has no issue coming late or leaving early whenever she feels like it. So of course I take major issue with this.
Yesterday I asked to leave work early because I had an appointment I needed to get to. There were no clients, it was really not a big deal. But for some unnecessary reason, she decided that I was "challenging her authority" and "disrespecting her." So of course I exploded and told her that every time I ask for time off I get denied. She gets to galavant around town, coming and going as she pleases, and then has the audacity to tell me that I'm challenging her authority by asking to leave early?
Sure, I may have phrased it as a statement instead of a question. Fine, I may have added a bit of sarcasm in there due to her disappearing acts. But honestly, what form of authority do you have? You think it's okay that I'm forced to sit around doing nothing and I don't even get paid by the hour, but you can go off and do whatever you like? No. It's not okay.
So, by this time, tears are streaming down my face. And that's when I realized, I get really emotional when I get in arguments. Especially when I've been holding crap in for the longest time. I was actually a little disappointed in myself for letting it get to me so.
I've been struggling with this job for so long I guess I just didn't realize everything would come out so strong. I'm really kinda mad at myself for crying like that because I feel like I may have come off not as strong as I would have liked to. In my head, in the moment, I felt like I was really expressing how angry I was. Thinking back on it and writing this post, I'm starting to wonder what I actually looked like. Standing there, crying about not being able to leave work early...
Hmm, may not have been my best moment.
Currently, we're not really talking to each other. Besides the usual 'good morning' and anything related to the job, we don't speak. I don't even look at her anymore. Everything about her irritates me. She's rude, she's self absorbed, she's power crazy, and she's extremely useless. Okay that last one may or may not be true. Personally, I think it's probably true. I could do her job way better than her. I'm serious. I've done it already. And I'm good at it.
Anyway, I need to learn how to not care about things, or at least not hold it inside for so long. That way I can have a rational, non emotional tear-free argument with these people about the kinks in their corporate system.