"what it meant to me will eventually be a memory"

I was given an assignment last night. I am to write a blog post about my high school. Something engaging that will make everyone want to read what I have to write. So I thought to myself, "Self, what are you going to write about?" Of course nothing came to me, so I figured I could come here and actually write a real blog post and perhaps that would inspire me to come up with some witty, wonderful school appropriate blog post to send in.

And what do you know, it worked! Now I'm currently in the process of writing two blog posts. I certainly hope I can create a unique enough voice that makes me stand out as candidate for this job, and still uniform enough to work for a school blog. I would just die if I got this job! A happy, healthy, wonderful death! After which, of course, I would be revived so I could actually do the job.

I guess you probably would like to know what the job is, right? Well, I'm applying for a Social Media Manager position. If you're thinking, "Sage, that's perfect for you! You already want to go into marketing and what better way than to market online. Plus you're such a fabulous blogger, it would be super easy to translate that into this job," then you are absolutely correct! I'm hoping my blogging skills and life long usage of social media will be my ticket back to Cali.

Seriously guys, I really want this. And I've really wanted a lot of things in my life, but I just want this one more. I hope I don't end up really disappointed. I know I'll be fine either way. Don't get my hopes too high now.

"i've got a world of chances for you"

I took a chance and put in a job application with my high school back in California. I've been saying that I need to start looking for a new job for a while now, so I guess this is my start. I don't necessarily want to move back to CA, but I have absolutely no problem moving back either. I welcome leaving or staying. I think there are a lot of opportunities available to me here in Atlanta and back home in California. I just need that foot in the door with a new job to jumpstart me again.

I take a lot of time to come here and rant and rave about my irritations regarding my life, my job, my family, my friends, my loves, (or lack there of). And its those moments that really propel me to the next.  I couldn't move on and be happy with my life if I didn't first let go of everything that bothers me while I live it. Most of my anger is fleeting. Most of my annoyance is short lived. A lot of my emotions are reoccurring, but isn't everyone like that? Every once in a while you may see a really hateful, maybe even downright bitchy post of mine that will make you say, "Whoa! Wtf happened to her?!" But rest assured I'm fine. I probably got over whatever issue pissed me off the second I typed the last exclamation point in my post.

So with that being said, I can't wait to really see what new job grabs my attention next. I always love meeting new challenges. Speaking of which, I've gone back to the challenge of online dating. Yes, I know, I've done this before. But it was so fun (and I'm just bored enough) that I decided to try it again. Wish me luck!

"and stop crying your heart out"

So I had a mini explosion with my manager the other day.

I've been holding in my anger towards my work schedule for the last... well I guess the last year. We used to be able to service a client and then go home when there were no more clients.

But now, the new rule for stylists is that we must stay from 10 to 6 regardless of if there are clients are not. Mind you I ONLY get paid when I service a client. So if there are no clients, I get no money. (We don't take walk ins, so we know the day's schedule before it begins.) And now they want me to sit around in the salon when there are no clients? For what? I'm basically wasting gas money to sit and watch paint peel. No thank you.

But being the kind and gentle soul that I am, obviously, I held my irritation/anger in and said no problem. I'm just going to do my job and keep it moving. And keep it moving I did! Until yesterday.

My manager is a stylist and really has no other duties outside of being a stylist, except maybe payroll. Supposedly, we should all be following the same set of rules. But apparently she doesn't think she needs to show up when there are no clients. She feels its alright for her to leave after she services her last client. She has little "emergencies" every now and then that only seem to occur on days we have no clients. She has no issue coming late or leaving early whenever she feels like it. So of course I take major issue with this.

Yesterday I asked to leave work early because I had an appointment I needed to get to. There were no clients, it was really not a big deal. But for some unnecessary reason, she decided that I was "challenging her authority" and "disrespecting her." So of course I exploded and told her that every time I ask for time off I get denied. She gets to galavant around town, coming and going as she pleases, and then has the audacity to tell me that I'm challenging her authority by asking to leave early?

Sure, I may have phrased it as a statement instead of a question. Fine, I may have added a bit of sarcasm in there due to her disappearing acts. But honestly, what form of authority do you have? You think it's okay that I'm forced to sit around doing nothing and I don't even get paid by the hour, but you can go off and do whatever you like? No. It's not okay.

So, by this time, tears are streaming down my face. And that's when I realized, I get really emotional when I get in arguments. Especially when I've been holding crap in for the longest time. I was actually a little disappointed in myself for letting it get to me so.

I've been struggling with this job for so long I guess I just didn't realize everything would come out so strong. I'm really kinda mad at myself for crying like that because I feel like I may have come off not as strong as I would have liked to. In my head, in the moment, I felt like I was really expressing how angry I was. Thinking back on it and writing this post, I'm starting to wonder what I actually looked like. Standing there, crying about not being able to leave work early...

Hmm, may not have been my best moment.

Currently, we're not really talking to each other. Besides the usual 'good morning' and anything related to the job, we don't speak. I don't even look at her anymore. Everything about her irritates me. She's rude, she's self absorbed, she's power crazy, and she's extremely useless. Okay that last one may or may not be true. Personally, I think it's probably true. I could do her job way better than her. I'm serious. I've done it already. And I'm good at it.

Anyway, I need to learn how to not care about things, or at least not hold it inside for so long. That way I can have a rational, non emotional tear-free argument with these people about the kinks in their corporate system.

"if you could just write me out"

I came to work this morning expecting more of the same as the last 2 weeks. Absolutely nothing. The Salon has been extremely slow these past couple weeks and it's really starting to agitate me. I hate coming to work and making no money.

Seriously, what's the purpose of working if I'm not getting paid. This is something my bosses don't quite seem to understand yet. I think they have some sort of idea that they have done me a favor by giving me a job and I should be grateful just to get out of the house everyday and sit in their salon.

They are sadly mistaken.

I would much rather stay in my house than drive 30 minutes away to do nothing. There are so many art projects I'm missing out on because I don't have the time any more to lounge around and wrap baskets, or cut cardboard, or glue some other shit. Which was completely fine with me when I was making money. But now, I may just need to get my ass back on that job search grind and find a new job.

Oddly enough, I really don't want to do that because I actually like my job. And I'm almost 100% certain that I'm the only one at The Salon who can say that honestly. I love being a stylist. It's awesome. What is NOT awesome is all the backstage, behind the scenes, "corporate" drama that goes on. I could totally do without all of that. I understand now why people leave their jobs simply because their supervisors SUCK.

But other than all that, my life is wonderful! Sorry I haven't written in months, but I think I can say I'm back now and so totally committed to blogging. I have enough ammo to last my blogging mind for a few weeks worth of posts anyway. Thanks for not leaving me during my short "vacation"!

"lick your lips as i soak my feet"

I find it extremely sickening that someone can waste their life procrastinating when very important, life altering events are coming soon. With that being said, I recently discovered a new TV show and I've fallen completely in love with it!

Well, not exactly a new show, just a show I've never seen before. The Secret Diary of a Call Girl. Now please know that I found this show completely by accident. I was actually trying to watch the Secret Life of the American Teenager, but before I could type in "Secret Life," it was offering up suggestions, one of which was "Secret Diary."

SO obviously my curiosity got the best of me and I just HAD to know what this show was all about. Secret Diary is all about the life of a London call girl. Set in London and filled with gorgeous accents, I was hooked from the first episode. Oh, yeah, and then of course there is the sex. Lots and lots of sex. And she loves her job. Completely loves it, can't get enough.

Until of course, she gets a boyfriend. Then it gets tricky. Because seriously, how do you tell the guy you're dating that you are a prostitute.

"Oh honey, I meant to tell you, I'm not actually a legal secretary. No, sweetie, I sleep with men for money. Would you like steak for dinner?"

It's a very well written show; funny, sexy, sometimes dirty. But never boring. I do love the glamorous twist they put on prostituting. It's not the disease filled, hanging on street corners, trashy life that is often portrayed. Instead, we get a glimpse into the world of high class escorting. Not to say that every escorts' life is as fabulous as Belle's, but I mean, the whole show is about fantasy after all.

And these are life issues I will never have to deal with. So why not indulge in someone else's life. Someone who's made their career from being every man's fantasy. It's quite the pull really. I don't see why more people don't know about this show. Then again, maybe they do. I am coming a bit late to the party.