"this is the start of something good, don't you agree?"

Dating has got to be the most ridiculous experience in life. Maybe ridiculous is the wrong word... irritating, perhaps. Yes, dating has got to be one of the most irritating experiences in life. Having dinner,  going to the movies, taking a walk in the park, etc with an almost, for all intents and purposes, complete stranger? Ugh, I'm so tired of it. And yet, I still do it...

Truthfully, I don't even know how to be a girlfriend. Not the slightest clue. And I already come with some serious defects to the relationship. Hate talking on the phone, love being a homebody. I'm quiet until you really get to know me. OR you have to meet in a group of friends because then I'm automatically comfortable.  

But right, this is about me not knowing how to be girlfriend. Yes, I guess I just missed that class in high school (or is it offered in middle school now?) where everyone learned how to be boyfriend/girlfriend and live a happy normal life. Yeah, I must have missed it. I was among the few kids who were "not allowed to date, until you're married!" Yes, I understand the irony. Nobody thought that rule out, I can assure you.

So I never really had a boyfriend until I got to college. My first (real) relationship wasn't exactly a failure, but I certainly wouldn't call it a success. Turns out my biggest issue is communication! Huh, who'd a thunk it??? Me, have communication issues? NEVER! But alas, it IS true. I'm actually a horrible communicator... at least in the real world.

Online you have time to think it out and make sure everything you say (write) comes out exactly the way you wish it. But in real life, saying certain things, talking about certain things just isn't quite as easy for me. My sisters always harass me about not being able to open up and say what I'm thinking. "Why do I always have to drag it out of you?" Or, "Why do you make me ask you so many questions? Just say what you want to say!" I guess I'm just not one to talk about myself.

Don't get me wrong. I can hold a conversation and talk about anything with anyone. And I love myself so obviously I have no qualms talking about myself. I just tend to shy away from talking about myself on a more personal level. My family, my work, my friends, easy subjects. My feelings, not so much.

Which brings me back to my relationships. Apparently, you need to be able to talk about yourself on a personal level with your boyfriend. And he actually might care if he realizes he doesn't know anything about how you feel. So how do I work on growing in that area? Dive into another relationship and get some practice? Talk to my sisters a little more, see if that works out? Have emotional, drawn out, thoughtful conversations with myself in the bathroom mirror? I don't know. I need help.

In the meantime, I'm still dating.

"lick your lips as i soak my feet"

I find it extremely sickening that someone can waste their life procrastinating when very important, life altering events are coming soon. With that being said, I recently discovered a new TV show and I've fallen completely in love with it!

Well, not exactly a new show, just a show I've never seen before. The Secret Diary of a Call Girl. Now please know that I found this show completely by accident. I was actually trying to watch the Secret Life of the American Teenager, but before I could type in "Secret Life," it was offering up suggestions, one of which was "Secret Diary."

SO obviously my curiosity got the best of me and I just HAD to know what this show was all about. Secret Diary is all about the life of a London call girl. Set in London and filled with gorgeous accents, I was hooked from the first episode. Oh, yeah, and then of course there is the sex. Lots and lots of sex. And she loves her job. Completely loves it, can't get enough.

Until of course, she gets a boyfriend. Then it gets tricky. Because seriously, how do you tell the guy you're dating that you are a prostitute.

"Oh honey, I meant to tell you, I'm not actually a legal secretary. No, sweetie, I sleep with men for money. Would you like steak for dinner?"

It's a very well written show; funny, sexy, sometimes dirty. But never boring. I do love the glamorous twist they put on prostituting. It's not the disease filled, hanging on street corners, trashy life that is often portrayed. Instead, we get a glimpse into the world of high class escorting. Not to say that every escorts' life is as fabulous as Belle's, but I mean, the whole show is about fantasy after all.

And these are life issues I will never have to deal with. So why not indulge in someone else's life. Someone who's made their career from being every man's fantasy. It's quite the pull really. I don't see why more people don't know about this show. Then again, maybe they do. I am coming a bit late to the party.

"but just one night couldn't be so wrong"

Everyone has those few things that make them happy for no apparent reason other than "I just like it." Recently, I've been indulging in a few quite regularly and it's actually beginning to border on obsession. These little guilty pleasures of mine are seriously becoming a problem. Who ever said you can't have too much of a good thing?

I've always been an avid reader. I read anything really, but recently I've been honed in and focused on erotic romance books. I can't seem to put them down. And it really doesn't help matters much that I have a Nook and an endless supply of free books with Barnes and Noble. Honestly, I've read 5 books in the past 2 weeks and I'm still working on this last one. No matter how many stories I find, there is always a new way to make two people coming together fantastic. I'll keep by bookshelf below updated so you can know what I'm reading.

As much as I enjoy reading these books, if I don't slow down soon, I'm going to end up missing all the deadlines for my grad school applications. As much as I want to find out if Bryn will escape and find her way back to William, I can't keep reading non-stop. Oh, but I so wish I could. Especially now that I don't have cable anymore.

I just don't understand why one issue always has to replace another. Before, I was too transfixed on television to focus on anything. So I cancelled my cable, and now I can't stop reading books. I just need one simple outlet that won't turn into a full fledged obsession! I guess I've always been an obsessive kind of person. From books, to tv, to men, to friends, to family. I obsess, a LOT.

But it's adorable, I swear!